How to go from here?

How to go from here?

Hello dear friends,

I am wondering  ….
…. what to write next ….
to share about the pilgrimage ahead of me is certainly interesting.
But as I approach the day of my flight, I find myself looking back.
Memories of the past 10 years keep coming up in my head and heart.
Years I wouldn’t want to have missed.
Years of joy and beautiful discoveries, but in which I also went through a good deal of struggle and sadness.
Times of light, but I have been in dark forests too.

My journey to India and Nepal feels like a conclusion of a period of turbulence.
I feel I am entering a time of stillness and of going still deeper inside.
Looking inside has been difficult for me for many years. And even more difficult was to accept what I truly felt about me.
The root of this self-rejection was to be found in what happened to me in my teenage years.
But before I share about  this, I would like to say the following:
I truly believe that no matter how painful circumstances may be, or how deep and black the pit you find yourself in, there is always a way out, a way towards and into the light.

Luckely, I didn’t have to climb out of this pit all by myself!
In 2010 some old school friends contacted me and asked if I wanted to be part of a group of victims.
Victims of a certain Jesuit priest.
Evidently they had reason to believe that I also had been abused by this man.
And by abuse I mean sexual abuse.
This abuse started shortly after my parents divorced and I was emotionally quite vulnerable. I was 13 years old at the time. Predators like this priest have some kind of antenna for the weaknesses of their preys!

The years between 2010 and 2015 were certainly the most beautiful and healing years of my life. Just the fact that I finally found out I was not alone in this. It was like a heavy shroud of denial and shame fell off my shoulders. Amazing!

And the mediation proces we set up with the cooperation of the order of Jesuits (though reluctant and not so wholeheartedly at first) certainly added to the healing I’ve received.

I am grateful for these friends, and also for the therapists, that were willing to bear with me wanting to tell my story, sometimes over and over again.

So my pilgrimage to India and Nepal is not only a journey towards new horizons, but also stands for the conclusion of a moving decade in my life.

Thank you all for reading my story.







15 Replies to “How to go from here?”

  1. It takes confidence and courage to share this dark part of your life. It makes you transparant and light, now. As I know you as a trusted, valuable and funny friend. I’m with you on your journey. Proud to be your brother.

  2. Wow. Wat en sterk en tegelijkertijd intens verdrietig verhaal. Ik ben blij voor je dat het je gelukt is om jezelf te helen. Het is een mooi contrast: zo diep als je geweest bent, zo hoog sta je straks. Héél veel succes met je reis! ♡

  3. Eerlijk en kwetsbaar wat je deelt Michiel. Ik wens je nog meer bevrijding en licht toe op je verdere Pad ! Deze pelgrimsreis zal daar zeker toe bijdragen. Warme groet, Mark

  4. En inderdaad een heel mooi contrast, van heel diep naar vlakbij de hoogste plek op deze aardbol!

  5. Je hebt inmiddels al een lange en zware reis afgelegd, die je heel veel gebracht heeft. Ik ben trots op jou, dat je het aan hebt durven gaan met jezelf. De reis naar India en Nepal gaat jou vast weer een stukje verder brengen. Ik wens jou heel veel wijsheid en vooral liefde en licht voor jezelf tijdens de reis. Liefs x

  6. Michiel, het raakt me wat je schrijft, wat heerlijk dat je herstel hebt gevonden, ik wens je overvloed❤️ Liefs Margriet

  7. Hey Margriet, wat een onverwachte verrassing om je reactie hier te lezen, hoop dat het goed gaat met jou! Liefs, Michiel

  8. ik hoop dat je veel liefde en wijsheid op je weg mag vinden .en geniet van nepal zo een mooi land met lieve bewoners.ik hoop dat je herboren terug komt liefs aniet